The Fun Habit: A Secret Ingredient to Better Men’s Mental Health

We live in a world obsessed with productivity. From the moment we wake up, we’re bombarded with messages telling us to hustle, strive, and grind. For many men, especially, there’s a quiet belief that fun is frivolous — something reserved for children or lazy people with too much time on their hands. But what if we’ve got it all wrong? What if fun is fundamental — not just for happiness, but for men’s mental health?

In a world where depression in men is rising and mental health awareness is finally (albeit slowly) catching up, we need to challenge old narratives.

In the latest episode of The Meaning of Men podcast we spoke with behavioural scientist and author Mike Rucker, whose research shows that fun is not just a feel-good extra — it’s a crucial component for psychological resilience, strong relationships, and long-term fulfilment.

Mike argues that when we starve ourselves of joy, we slide into burnout, loneliness and emotional exhaustion. Fun isn’t just the reward after the work; it’s what keeps us going through the work. In this post, we explore five key ideas from the interview — with practical insights for men to start reclaiming fun as a vital, life-affirming habit.

The Hidden Impact of a Fun-Deficient Life

We’ve come a long way in recognising sleep as vital for wellbeing, but we’re still way behind when it comes to fun. Mike likens fun deprivation to sleep deprivation: while the latter causes a fast crash, the former slowly chips away at your joy, energy and productivity. Over time, the absence of fun can mimic many signs of male depression — irritability, disengagement, and chronic stress.

We live in a culture that prizes grind and output, but we’re not designed to operate like machines. The hedonic flexibility principle shows that people who regularly experience joy actually perform better over time. In other words, fun makes you more productive. When fun is intentionally built into your life, it acts as a buffer against burnout and a powerful support for mental health.

Rethink the idea of “having fun”

One of the biggest barriers to fun is how we define it. We often think of fun as something spontaneous or passive — something that happens to us, like a good night out or a spontaneous laugh. But Mike flips this idea on its head. Fun isn’t random. It’s something you can build, plan, and practise — a habit, just like going to the gym.

Most of us live on autopilot, spending hours on things that neither drain nor energise us. Social media, endless scrolling, bland TV — they pacify rather than nourish. Mike calls this “passive leisure.” Instead, we need to prioritise active leisure — experiences that light us up and help us grow. Whether it’s playing games with your kids, hiking with mates, or rediscovering an old hobby, fun should be something we pursue deliberately.

Fun deepens friendships and unlocks connection

Many men struggle to build deep, emotionally open friendships. But fun can be the gateway. Shared joy creates a sense of safety and belonging — a vital environment for meaningful conversations. As Mike puts it, “Fun is the glue.” Doing something fun together creates shared experiences, which in turn builds trust and familiarity. That trust is what allows men to eventually lower their guard and open up.

Whether it’s a local five-a-side, a pub quiz team, or a hiking group — regular, fun-based activities help create the environment where deeper male friendships can naturally form. These activities also provide a much-needed break from the pressure to “perform” or “fix” things, letting men simply be together. It’s in these moments — not forced heart-to-hearts — where real, lasting connection often begins.

Fun strengthens romantic relationships too

Fun isn’t just for mates or kids — it’s vital in romantic partnerships as well. One of the most common things Mike hears from men is: “I can’t remember the last time we went on a proper date.” Life with kids, careers, and household stress can squeeze joy out of a relationship. But regular, shared fun is what keeps relationships vibrant.

It doesn’t have to be extravagant. A midweek date to the local chippy or playing a video game together can be just as powerful as a fancy dinner. The key is co-creating experiences you both actually enjoy. Put it in the diary. Make it a habit. Just like sleep or exercise, fun needs to be scheduled — or it won’t happen. And when you do make time for it, the benefits ripple out into every part of the relationship.

You’re not too busy for fun — you’re just not prioritising it

One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is, “I don’t have time for fun.” But as Mike says, the data doesn’t back that up. Even the busiest professionals overestimate their workloads and underestimate their time on Slack, email, or Instagram. When you zoom out, you’ll likely find there is time — it’s just being spent unintentionally.

Mike’s advice? Start small. Reclaim 15 minutes a day for something that gives you joy. Build from there. You can also use activity bundling — for example, turning a school run into a game, or listening to music you love while cooking dinner. Injecting fun into your existing routines helps reframe life from “I have to” to “I get to.” And that shift alone can be transformative for mental health, especially when it comes to depression in men and overall fulfilment.

In Summary

Fun isn’t a luxury. It’s a necessity — a forgotten pillar of men’s mental health. In a world pushing us to achieve more, earn more, and do more, we need to remember how to feel more. Fun reconnects us to joy, presence, purpose — and most importantly, to the people we care about. It helps prevent burnout, softens the edges of depression, and builds stronger, more resilient men. So instead of waiting for fun to magically appear, choose to build it in. Your mind, your relationships, and your sense of fulfilment will thank you.

Fun is fundamental — and it’s time we treated it that way.