From Chaos to Calm: How to Show Up Better for the Moments That Matter.

Most of us live life at full tilt. We roll out of bed already running — juggling work, family, errands, and emails — moving from one thing to the next without taking a breath. It’s no wonder we end up snapping at our kids, zoning out with our partners, or feeling like we’re never quite “present.” Dr Adam Fraser, performance researcher and author of The Third Space, believes there’s a simple yet life-changing solution to this: learning how to transition.

In our latest conversation, Adam shared how elite athletes, soldiers, and business leaders all have something in common — they know how to leave one moment behind and arrive fully in the next. The “third space” is that little gap between what you’ve just done (the first space) and what you’re about to do (the second space). And it’s in that gap — that tiny transition — where we can reset, refocus, and show up as our best selves.

Whether it’s between meetings, before walking through the front door, or just moving from work mode to dad mode, mastering your third space can completely change how you show up for the people and moments that matter most.

What Is the Third Space and Why It Matters

The third space isn’t some mystical idea — it’s the small gap between the end of one thing and the start of another. Adam discovered it while studying elite performers: tennis players who could lose a point but instantly reset; soldiers who found ways to decompress before going home; and business leaders who seamlessly moved between meetings without dragging their frustration along.

Most of us, though, rush through life on autopilot, dragging our baggage from one moment to the next. Research from Duke University even shows we’re mindless for around 60% of our day. The result? We’re not truly present. The third space helps break that pattern. It’s a deliberate pause to reset your mind, shed the emotional residue from what came before, and consciously choose how to show up next — calmer, more engaged, and more in control of your own energy.

The Three Steps: Reflect, Rest, Reset

Dr Fraser’s research revealed that the best transitions share three simple steps: reflect, rest, and reset.

Reflect means looking back on the moment you’ve just left — but not to beat yourself up. Instead, ask: What went well? What did I learn? How did I grow? This builds optimism and stops you ruminating on what went wrong.

Rest is about calming your mind and reconnecting to the present. It doesn’t have to be a 10-minute meditation — even one deep breath, a short walk, or switching off your screen can work wonders.

Reset is the final step — asking yourself: Who do I want to be in this next moment? What energy do I need to bring? Whether that’s compassion for your partner, patience for your kids, or focus for your team, this step helps you show up with intention. Small, simple, but profoundly powerful.

From Work to Home: Showing Up as a Better Version of Yourself

The most common (and most emotional) use of the third space is the transition from work to home. Adam told the story of a CEO who realised his kids literally ran away when he walked in the door. He’d been giving his best to work and his worst to the people who mattered most. His solution? A ritual. He parked, entered through a new side door, showered, and changed clothes before greeting his family — washing the day off and arriving home as “dad,” not “boss.”

This isn’t about luxury; it’s about intention. You might simply take a few minutes in the car, walk the dog, or jot down lingering thoughts before stepping inside. Research from The Third Space found that homes became 41% happier when people used this process. The message is simple: don’t bring the day’s chaos through the front door — leave it behind and start fresh.

The Third Space in a Remote World

Working from home has blurred all the boundaries. When your commute is a 10-second walk from the kitchen to the laptop, there’s no natural break between “work you” and “home you.” Adam’s research showed that remote workers often log five to ten extra hours a week, feel more fatigued, and are less present at home — because the punctuation marks of the day have vanished.

But the third space can rebuild those boundaries. One dad Adam worked with made his kids walk around the block before school, pretending they were “going to work” together — uniforms on, backpacks ready. When they came back in, it was school time. At the end of the day, they changed clothes and went to the park. Another worker simply packed away his laptop each evening or took a quick drive with a podcast. The point isn’t what you do — it’s that you do something to mark the transition.

Making It Yours: Small Rituals, Big Change

There’s no one-size-fits-all third space. It might be a deep breath, a short walk, eating something before heading home (one man joked he’d been “hangry for 10 years”), or a rule to leave your phone in a drawer after work. The best approach is personal and consistent.

Adam shared how even a few minutes of transition can completely transform family life. Fathers who practised the third space were 2.5 times more likely to be described by their children as calm, fun, and good listeners. That’s the legacy kids remember — those “peak moments” of connection.

Start small: pick one daily transition — maybe work to home, or meeting to meeting — and practise reflect, rest, reset. Over time, it becomes second nature. You’ll notice you’re calmer, more intentional, and more present. The people around you will notice too.

In Summary

The third space isn’t another thing to squeeze into your day — it’s a mindset shift. It’s about taking micro-moments to reset, so you can show up as the person you want to be, not the one left over from your last task. As Dr Adam Fraser puts it, the third space helps us “go home as a better version of ourselves.” Whether that’s for your family, your friends, or yourself, those small transitions can transform not just how you live — but how you connect, lead, and love. The gap between moments might just be where life really happens.