Richard Reeves: Why Men Need to Feel Needed.

What does it mean to be a man in 2025? It’s a question that countless boys and men wrestle with every day, many without even realising it. Over the last few decades, society has undergone seismic cultural and economic shifts. Women have rightfully claimed space in education, the workplace, and family life, while traditional male roles have been dismantled almost overnight. Yet, while this progress has been essential (and with more work needed to be done), the question remains: what now for men?

In my recent conversation with Richard Reeves—author, policy thinker, and founder of the American Institute for Boys and Men—we unpacked this very issue. Richard has become one of the most respected voices in this space, combining data, empathy, and solutions to shed light on the challenges facing men today. From education gaps to mental health struggles, from the cultural vacuum of role models to the evolving role of fathers, his insights cut through the noise of culture wars to offer something far more valuable: clarity.

This isn’t about rolling back progress for women. It’s about creating a healthier, fairer society where men and women rise together. Here are five key takeaways from our discussion that reveal both the depth of the problem and the seeds of hope for the future of boys and men.

Breaking the Zero-Sum Illusion

One of Richard’s strongest points is the need to move beyond the idea that caring about men means ignoring women. Too often, debates around gender fall into a zero-sum trap: lifting one group is assumed to push the other down. But that simply isn’t true.

Richard argues that supporting men should be about unconditional concern. Just as we champion women’s health not because it boosts GDP but because women deserve wellbeing, we must extend the same principle to men. This means acknowledging issues like male suicide or boys struggling in education without fear of backlash.

By reframing the conversation, we create space where everyone benefits. As Richard put it, the future must be about rising together—not competing. For parents of both daughters and sons, the logic is obvious: you want both to flourish. That’s the mindset shift society desperately needs.

The Evacuation of Neediness

For generations, men’s value was tied to being providers and protectors. While that traditional script has been dismantled, little has replaced it. Richard calls this the “evacuation of neediness”: society no longer signals to men that they are needed.

The consequences are profound. With fewer clear roles, many men feel adrift. This vacuum fuels the appeal of hyper-masculine influencers, who offer clarity—however toxic—in a world where men are otherwise given a long list of “don’ts” but very few “dos”.

Richard stresses that men need to feel needed, not despite their masculinity but because of it. Whether as fathers, mentors, or workers in demanding roles, men play unique, valuable parts in society. The challenge is to create modern scripts of manhood that celebrate this, rather than leave young men searching for meaning in all the wrong places.

The Impact on Men's Mental Health

Suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 45 in the UK, with men four times more likely to take their own lives than women. In the US, Richard notes that if male suicide rates had matched those of women since 1999, over half a million men would still be alive. That’s equivalent to a world war’s worth of lives lost.

The data is shocking, but the reasons behind it are even more telling. Feelings of being “useless” or “worthless” are common in male suicide notes. Disconnection—from work, family, or children—leaves many men questioning whether they are needed at all.

Traditional roles once gave men purpose, even during hardship. Today, without clear signals of value, too many men are checking out completely—with devastating consequences.

Education and the “Lost Boys”

Across advanced economies, girls are now outperforming boys at nearly every stage of education. This isn’t because boys are less capable, but because systems often treat them like “malfunctioning girls”. Richard points to biological differences in development: girls mature faster, particularly around adolescence, yet education policies rarely account for this.

One somewhat controversial solution Richard proposes is “redshirting” boys—delaying their school start by a year to better align with their developmental stage. Whether or not that’s adopted, the point is clear: boys need different approaches, not dismissal.

The consequences of ignoring this are already visible. A growing number of young men are classed as NEETs—not in education, employment, or training. Richard calls this a “national emergency”. Without education or work, these men face lives of disconnection and lack of purpose, fuelling wider social problems. Education must adapt, or we risk losing a generation of boys altogether.

Fatherhood: The Forgotten Role

We often hear about how important fathers are for children—but rarely about how important children are for fathers. Richard admitted this was a blind spot in his earlier work, corrected only when a father told him, “Being a dad is all I’ve got.”

The evidence backs this up. Engaged fathers are healthier, happier, and even live longer. Fatherhood provides structure, purpose, and a profound sense of being needed. Yet cultural narratives often sideline dads or reduce them to “second-rate mums”. Richard argues that fatherhood must be honoured as a distinct and vital role, not just for kids but for men themselves.

And it’s not limited to biological fathers. Coaches, teachers, uncles, and mentors can all step into this role. Research shows boys in communities with more fathers—even if not their own—fare better. In short, fatherhood is one of the most powerful ways to rebuild meaning for men and boys today.

Summary

Our conversation with Richard Reeves revealed both a crisis and an opportunity. Men are struggling—educationally, mentally, and culturally—but there is a growing recognition that solutions are possible. From rethinking education to championing fatherhood, from rejecting zero-sum thinking to providing new scripts of manhood, the path forward is becoming clearer.

This isn’t about nostalgia for the past, nor about denying women’s progress. It’s about building a society where men and women thrive together. The meaning of men, Richard suggests, lies not in outdated roles but in forging new ones—where being needed, connected, and valued is at the heart of it all.