Postnatal Depression in Fathers: Breaking the Silence.

When you think of postnatal depression, you likely picture a new mother struggling to adjust to life with her baby. But what about fathers? Men's mental health often flies under the radar, and postnatal depression in men is rarely discussed. Yet, it’s a reality that affects up to one in ten fathers—or possibly even more. For some, becoming a dad is the start of an incredible journey, but for others, it’s a deeply challenging transition filled with unexpected emotions.

In our recent episode of The Meaning of Men, Tom opened up about his experience with postnatal depression. He shared the ups and downs of his early days as a father, the impact on his mental health, and how he worked through it with the support of his wife. His story is both heart-wrenching and hopeful, shedding light on a topic many men feel ashamed to admit. This conversation revealed not only the signs of male depression but also the incredible resilience it takes to ask for help and keep going.

Here are five takeaways from our conversation with Tom that every Dad—and their partners—needs to know.

1. Recognising the Signs of Male Depression. Depression in men often looks different than it does in women, and postnatal depression is no exception. Tom described moments of overwhelming anger and invasive thoughts that left him questioning himself. “I’m not a violent or angry person,” he said, “but in those moments, I felt like I was both.” This stark contrast to his usual personality was one of the biggest signs something was wrong.

He also talked about the sensory overload of a screaming baby, sleep deprivation, and the loss of personal time. These pressures can make even the calmest person feel like they’re spiralling. Recognising these signs—whether in yourself or someone else—is a crucial first step towards addressing mental health struggles. Sometimes, it’s not about feeling sad but feeling disconnected, frustrated, or constantly overwhelmed.

2. The Pressure to “Man Up”“. Tough it out” and “get on with it”—phrases men often hear, especially when they’re struggling. Tom admitted feeling shame when comparing his experience to other dads. “We had it easier than some,” he said. “So why did I feel like I was failing?” This self-imposed guilt is common in fathers, who feel societal pressure to be the “big provider” while ignoring their own mental health.

Men are often conditioned to suppress their feelings, which only adds to the isolation. Studies show 70% of fathers with postnatal depression feel pressured to avoid discussions about their emotions. Tom’s story highlights the importance of breaking that silence. Talking openly about struggles doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.

3. The Role of Partners in Supporting Men’s Mental Health. Tom’s wife Sarah played a crucial role in his recovery. When he opened up about his darkest moments, her response was calm and compassionate. “She didn’t pack up the baby and leave,” he joked. Instead, she created a safe space for him to share his feelings without fear of judgment.

For partners, the key is to listen without reacting with anger or fear. Understand that your loved one’s emotions are not a reflection of their love for you or the baby. It’s about what they’re going through internally. Sarah’s unwavering support allowed Tom to seek help and begin to heal, reminding us that open communication is the foundation of any relationship—especially during tough times.

4. Finding Joy in Small Moments. One of the turning points for Tom was when his son started smiling. “That’s when he became more than just a screaming potato,” he joked. Those little moments of joy—a baby’s first laugh, a successful nap routine—became beacons of light during a dark time.

Tom also found that establishing routines gave him a sense of control and achievement. “Knowing I could get him to nap at the same time every day felt like I was finally doing something right,” he said. These small victories are a reminder that progress, no matter how minor, can make a world of difference when you’re feeling lost.

5. The Importance of Asking for Help. Perhaps the most powerful message from Tom’s story is the importance of asking for help. Whether it was speaking to Sarah, reaching out to friends, or booking a call with a professional, each step brought him closer to feeling like himself again.

Tom acknowledged it’s not easy to admit you’re struggling, but it’s essential. “If someone comes to you with their feelings, it’s because they trust you,” he said. “Respect that role.” By creating a culture of mental health awareness and open dialogue, we can make it easier for men to seek the support they need.

Conclusion

Men’s mental health, especially in the context of fatherhood, deserves more attention. Postnatal depression in men is real, and it’s okay to admit if you’re not coping. Tom’s journey shows that recovery starts with recognising the problem, reaching out for help, and finding joy in the small victories. If you’re a dad struggling silently, know this: you’re not alone, and it does get better. Let’s keep these conversations going, break the stigma, and support each other through the messy, beautiful chaos of parenthood.