Five Tips for Raising Emotionally Healthy and Happy Boys.

Let’s be honest—raising boys in today’s world can feel like you’re walking a tightrope. We want them to be kind and confident, but society has a lot to say about what it means to “be a man.” During my latest episode of The Meaning of Men, I sat down with Dr. Judy Chu, a researcher who’s spent years diving into the lives of boys and men. If you’ve ever wondered how to help the boys in your life grow into emotionally healthy men, this is for you. Here are five key takeaways to help you navigate the tricky but rewarding journey of supporting male mental health.

1. Break Out of the “Man Box”

Boys are often told they need to fit into a narrow definition of masculinity—strong, stoic, and never vulnerable. Dr. Chu referred to this as the “man box,” and it’s time to break out of it. Boys need to see that being caring or sensitive doesn’t make them less masculine—it makes them more human. Fathers can play a huge role here by modeling traits like empathy and openness. When boys see their dads showing vulnerability or kindness, it sends a powerful message: these aren’t just “feminine traits”; they’re human strengths that everyone should embrace.

2. Spotting the Signs of Struggle

Boys don’t always come right out and say, “Hey, I’m struggling,” so it’s up to us to notice when something’s off. Dr. Chu shared that boys might show signs of depression in unexpected ways—like getting unreasonably upset over small things or acting out when they’re really just feeling overwhelmed. These moments aren’t just “bad behavior”; they’re often clues to something deeper. Instead of brushing them off, take a second to ask, “What’s really going on?” Creating a space where they feel safe to talk can make all the difference and might just help prevent a mental breakdown down the road.

3. Rethink Phrases Like “Man Up”

We’ve all heard it—“man up,” “don’t cry,” or “be a man.” While they might seem harmless, these phrases can send the message that showing emotion is weak. Dr. Chu explained how these words feed into stereotypes that harm male mental health by discouraging vulnerability. A better approach? Encourage boys to see strength in being honest about their feelings. For instance, instead of saying “man up,” try something like, “I know this is tough, but you’ve got this.” Simple shifts in language can build their confidence without shutting down their emotional side.

4. Teach Resilience, Not Toughness

It’s natural to want to shield your kids from life’s hardships, but Dr. Chu reminded us that challenges can actually help boys grow—when they’re supported through them. Whether it’s dealing with bullies or facing failure, the goal isn’t to teach boys to “toughen up” but to show them how to bounce back. Be their guide, not just their protector. Let them know it’s okay to feel upset, but also help them learn how to move forward. This balance can go a long way in strengthening their resilience and mental health awareness.

5. Build Their Circle of Support

The secret weapon against depression in men? Strong relationships. Dr. Chu highlighted how even one trusted connection—a parent, friend, teacher, or coach—can help boys feel supported and valued. Want to help your son build his “team”? Start by being a good listener yourself. Resist the urge to jump in with solutions; sometimes, all they need is for you to hear them out. By modeling what healthy, supportive relationships look like, you’re giving them a blueprint for emotional well-being that will last a lifetime.

Conclusion

Helping boys grow into emotionally healthy men is no small task, but it’s one of the most important things we can do. Dr. Chu’s advice is a reminder that we don’t have to be perfect; we just have to show up, listen, and lead with love. By spotting the signs of depression in men early, rethinking harmful phrases, and expanding what it means to “be a man,” we can raise boys who aren’t afraid to be themselves.

Listen to the full interview now: